There are Holocaust deniers, most of whom are Democrats these days.
Then there are climate deniers. These are usually teenagers who wear shorts outside when it is below freezing. Or old ladies who wear fur coats during summer months.
And then there is the mix of the two — perhaps the dumbest of the lot: the famed history deniers. These are people who fell off the back of a turnip truck two weeks ago and believe history began the moment they had their first conscious thought. These people also, often, happen to be Holocaust deniers and are, especially, climate deniers. They are forever holding anti-global warming rallies when it inexplicably snows outside.
One of the most famous history deniers alive today is a person named Bill Nye. He is not a scientist and, really, is not very smart. But a lot of people listen to him because he is selling a brand of hysteria about the end of the world that is, well, pretty engaging for people who believe him and pretty entertaining for those of us who know he is lying.
It is like pro wrestling — something for everyone.
Mr. Nye refuses to acknowledge history or science, which taken together proves conclusively that planet Earth has been naturally warming and cooling for millions of years. We even once had an ice age, known as the Ice Age!
This terrible age to be alive occurred despite woolly mammoth flatulence.
But seeing as this undermines the whole point of his End-of-the-World terror threat, Mr. Nye simply cannot afford to believe this. Same with Albert Gore, a former vice president and current global warming hysteria gasbag.
You know, since these fellows are so concerned about all of the rest of us going to work and grilling hamburgers and — shall we say — “making wind,” wouldn’t it be a great idea if they became our first human carbon dioxide banks? If the both of them stopped all their emissions and talking and flatulence and took a deep breath and held it, well, forever, wouldn’t that be a net loss of carbon dioxide? I mean, if they never exhaled ever again, that would — scientifically speaking — save the planet from two whole breaths of carbon dioxide? And the rest of us would be so much happier.
Anyway, Mr. Nye does not care about the planet because he refuses to stop exhaling. This weekend he found himself a fellow history denier in Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the socialist Democrat congresswoman from New York who is also unfamiliar with the Ice Age.
Being young and stupid — and I mean that with all jealousy — means that you do not have to know about the Ice Age and you just assume that everything going on in the world is all about you. Winters getting shorter and summers getting longer? Must be something I did! After all, everything is all about me!
“AOC gets it,” Mr. Nye said of his fellow compatriot’s refusal to acknowledge the Ice Age. “She sees that fear is dividing us.”
You see, these people may not believe in history but they have read “Lord of the Flies.” In order to sell their End-of-the-World hysteria, they first have to sow fear in everyone and turn everyone against each other.
Indeed, if Mr. Nye is the old crank spinning hysterical yarns, AOC is the young, earnest believer who intends to weaponize the claptrap into the deadly serious.
You see, people today erroneously talk about socialism as some kind of economic system. It is not. Socialism is a political construct that replaces individual liberty with government control over everything.
Global warming hysteria is just the pretext these people need to justify the eradication of individual rights.
Some earnest fellow on the side of liberty decided to take AOC’s plan to address global warming seriously. He sat down and calculated that enacting her Green New Deal would cost Americans over $90 trillion. This, of course, is absurd.
In fact, AOC’s “Green Old Deal” would not cost a dime. That is what prison labor camps are for.
• Contact Charles Hurt at firstname.lastname@example.org or on Twitter @charleshurt.